User blog:BlueFrackle/The Science Fiction Royale (A Parody of Spielberg vs Hitchcock)
Just a silly thing I did :P Locations Isaac Asimov's location - megalopolis on the planet Trantor H. P. Lovecraft's location - Innsmouth coastline Larry Niven's location - outer space (stars, nebulae and the Ringworld visible behind him) Arthur C. Clarke's location- the Moon (also briefly appears in the Great Barrier Reef, wearing a swimsuit) Edgar Rice Burroughs's location - jungle Battle POINTLESS RAP BATTLES OF PARODY!!! ISAAC ASIMOV VS. H. P. LOVECRAFT!!! BEGIN! Isaac Asimov: Picture a child working in a candy store, Learning from your tales to become a much better author Now, picture a three hundred novels dream machine Who can best sell all over your celestial dreams! Try to Escape! from me, Howard, you got some Madness! I'll bring back Cal, to Whisper to you in Darkness! The Cool Air on the top of my game ain't not Imaginary I'll trap you in a Blind Alley and write your Obituary I rock the Hall of Fame, you're shallow like the Martian furrows You rock as many Hugo's as that schlep Edgar Burroughs! Next time you're waking up from dreams induced by rotten soufflé Check the Trends; see me Marching In to my next big play! I produce SF and mystery for all ages You write poems about fungi bearing dozens of pages! Maybe next thing you publish will be a bit less racist! Now kiss my full moon and just bask in my greatness! H. P. Lovecraft: That was a whole Foundation of shit rhyme And there won't be a pretty ending this time Half your bankrolls should go to John Campbell Now brace yourself as I reveal my gambles I'm the master, of suspense, so intense, No defense against Lovecraft once he commences! (Aaaah!) My skill is colossal, cosmic cataclysms unfurl You're more horrible than characterization in Cave Girl! C'mon! Cute hostesses and robots are getting duller I squeezed screams out of a disembodied color! I'm the best at my game and I receive so much acclaim Damage pedants and haunt you like Black Friar of the Flame! Larry Niven: Stop! Gimme a Tylenol, stop rhyming, y'all! Lovecraft, you got no style, dog, I'm the king of dialogue! There's only one story I know you from, And I've seen more tentacled things when I go swim for fun You tried to help out your wife, but couldn't do that The editors wouldn't get your tales, 'cause they were too crap! Look it up; it's a true fact, Wikipedia that! Now allow me to attack Isaac the hack Due to The Stars Like Dust, a failure's what I label you It looked like some sellout bullshit Edgar Burroughs would do! Ask anybody, "What's your favorite scene of alien sex?" No one's gonna say, "Those globs from The Gods Themselves!" Books that I write ain't the - cleanest, (Tanj!) But when I grip mics I'm the - meanest (Kdapt!) Larry Van Cott Niven is a - genius A bad pak protector, from the armor to the penis! Arthur C. Clarke: Genius is a powerful word, but there's no reason to use it, 'Less you're talking about the Clarke here, then there's really nothing to it Everything I do is visionary, every single page a painting Made exactly how I wanna make it You should worship me for I'm a god, over Nine Billion Names I got! You won't want to meet with me; I'm the Medusa, turn you all to rock! Like Odyssey, make you all shake, beat Isaac The Martian Way! Kid Stuff is the biggest waste of potential since The Moon Maid! Edgar Rice Burroughs: (Shows up flying a small 1930's style airplane) That's enough! I've heard enough crap from all of you! Why don't I come down there and show you what a real man can do? I expand on my portfolio, no Adelbert Kline, I work solo If there's one thing I've learned, bitch, this game's about motherfucking money! I make that dollar, y'all, motherfucking money! Even my great-grandson makes some motherfucking money! I sharpened my pen and got a few grains of that Barsoom money! Rose to Tarzan, now I got a pillow made of plumes money! I ain't got the gloom money! I don't give a fuck! I take my checks to the bank, and I sign them with my nuts! I give the people what they love while the critics say I'm evil! Got no time to read reviews while I'm working on the sequel! Got a gift from above, the eyes of an eagle! Writing planetary romance, there no author is my equal! WHO WON?! Well, no one did, because that's just a... POINTLESS RAP BATTLES OF PARODY!!! Category:Blog posts